I'm embarassed, but I am here and I am back.

Maybe, just maybe my post will help someone - and hopefully it will help me too.On November 19, 2006 I quit smoking. Not one puff, that was my motto - and finally instead of wanting to smoke every time I saw someone smoking - I felt sorry for them and wished that they could escape just as I did. I posted here almost non stop for the first few months and then checked in every now and then on anniversary's and such - I should have stayed around longer though.A few weeks ago - well in the beginning of July - we were all out on the boat, spending time with new friends - smoking friends. My husband smokes too - and we were having a few drinks - and the temptation was there - actually, they all just looked to be having a good time smoking those nasty sickorettes and so I guess I wanted to be a part of it all too - but I should have known that I still would have been a part of the party with out picking up a cancer stick. In fact, everyone would have been jealous maybe that I was a NON SMOKER and they were smokers. I couldn't take it anymore - I asked my husband for a smoke and I couldn't believe it, but he handed his to me. Half shocked - half curious, I took a puff. I broke my own rule - Never another puff. Instantly I got dizzy,stop smoking now, had a funny taste in my mouth and after that I had enough. Until the weekend when we were at our friends for a 4th of July party. I smoked then too - this time a little more. I don't remember a whole lot about all of the times I have smoked since then, I just know that within the past week or so,smoking cessation, I began to smoke even when no one else was around - not a lot - but one here and there - but that is still too much - one puff is too much. I was smoke free for almost 19 months - actually, I think I was working towards 20 months smoke free - seriously, not even one puff until that first time I wrote about.To all of you who are struggling - it is so much easier to never take another puff than it is to be a smoker. Don't let your guard down - don't think that you can just be a weekend smoker, or a social smoker. You can't, it doesn't work that way. And if you're like me, it's all or nothing. All or nothing. Today I have not smoked. I do not plan on smoking - but I am so sad to say that I must start my quit meter over. It begins today - July 21st 2008. That's what one puff will do - You have to start all over - but, I am okay with that I guess. I think I have learned a lesson here - People don't look cool with a cigarette and they surely aren't having more fun than a non smoker. I'd rather be a non smoker any day - so here I am again ready to deal with whatever this nicotine withdrawl throws at me. I know that it can be evil - but i'm ready to fight it.Thanks for listening and I hope hope hope that one of you out there will take a little something from my mistake and turn it into your success!!::Becky::