Bad Day vs Bad smoking day

I have some questions, and I have been trying to figure out all day how to word it and hope it makes sense.. I have been having alot of 'deep' thoughts lately about smoking.. the habit... the addiction... what it brought to my life, what it took from my life.. and I just wanted some of you to share your 2 cents..First off - did any of you experience a bad smoking day after a month or so in your quit.. I mean a day where really it was great. Nothing went wrong, you smiled, you laughed, you went about life, but at the same time the thoughts of smoking followed you EVERYWHERE... That is what it has been like for me this weekend. We have had a great weekend.. we did tons of stuff with the kids, found time for ourselves and for some couple time. But I swear the last couple of days I think about smoking and having one every 30 minutes.. alot like the first few days... but different in the way that I KNOW I will not smoke that it is just junkie thinking.... but after 3 days of it, it is starting to really bug me.... It is starting to effect my mood... at one point this evening we were outside with the kids riding bikes and I held up my 2 smoking fingers and pretended to smoke.... just to try and shake the feeling.. I have eaten like it is the first few weeks and I am not happy about that either.. For a while today I wondered if my patch is working.. I got a new box, but how can you tell if it is or isn't??? I felt this way on the patch in the beginning as well.... so have any of you had a great day and at the same time a tough smoking day?? Or is it time for me to call in a professional???? My next question is for you old phartes..... is there a moment that you not only realize you will never smoke again, want to smoke again... or is just with time and education you just know that smoking is not the answer... what I mean is.. this is the first quit,quit smoking now, where I have really stopped myself from blowing a quit.. I just know I have to keep it. My life means to much to me,smoking cessation, my kids.... I cannot gamble with it any longer.. and I believe that is why I am actually making it.. but I still see someone smoking and I watch... I tell myself... THEY HAVE TO SMOKE... and I get it.. they need the nicotine.. but I still see it as GETTING to smoke.. I read from you old phartes and you TRULY seem to have peace in your lives, your minds about being a non smoker, or is just peace from knowing that no matter what you will never put one to your lips again... I am not sure if any of this makes sense... but it is going around in my head.... and I wanted to try and express it.. I am just in a weird quitting place.. I do not think it is no man's land... I am still too new and using NRT, but I am in a weird place.. Anything you could share to shed light on the above would be appreciated...Susan.. I love your articles... got one for this crazy canadian????